Yes, another day is gone and I feel like a failure.
I’ve spent ten hours away from home, trying to make things work but feeling like I can’t make a difference, not really. Then coming back home, rushing to pick up the kids five minutes before school closes, making dinner and yelling. It’s just another manic Monday, except it feels like “Groundhog Day” because yeah, it’s actually Tuesday….
So I was yelling at my kids and thinking the whole time “this is not how it’s supposed to be, it is not how I want this evening to end”. And yet, that’s how it ended.
I find myself more often than not wishing for a job where I can feel at peace when I get home. Perhaps something quiet, where I don’t have to yell or repeat myself a million times to be heard. Hey, I’ve been at this for only 2,5 weeks after the summer holidays, and I am so ready to find another line of work! Does everyone feel like this? I don’t want to be “The Teacher” wherever I go, instead, I would love to be me. But I guess most people identify with their job. Or, no?
How can I make this life whole? Right now, I ache and feel like I am failing as a mother. And for what – being a not-so-good teacher?