I am becoming a very bitter person.
I guess that recognizing it helps slowing it down, but I really don’t like the bitterness that is seeping into my life, making me a person that I don’t want to be. I don’t know how to stop it.
I try not to think bitter thoughts, I try not to voice the bitter thoughts I have, and I try to do things that I enjoy instead of things I hate, but I find myself hating most of the things I do.
It is all work related, I know. I can’t muster faked happiness much longer, but I have to because I don’t want to talk about why I’m leaving my class. I wish they’d known me last year, when my energy was high and I wasn’t faking it so much, because I truly like this bunch of kids! I just can’t work with them any longer. I can’t have the sole responsibility for the whole class, when all the other classes at school have two adults taking care of them.
But enough of that, because that is the bitterness talking. I need to focus on the days I have left at school. Or perhaps I need to focus on the days that I am off from work instead.
I just don’t want to become a bitter person!!
Today I am grateful for:
* my kids. I love them so very much!!
* my husband. I love him too so very much, I just need to work on the part where I tell him that more often.
* my friends. I have so many who care for me, but I do have a hard time recognizing it, because (self analyze) I don’t think I’m worthy of their care.
* having all that I want.
* being healthy. I don’t appreciate it enough while I am, but as soon as something gives (like my ear and the balance), I remember that I should have been more grateful while it was good.
I’m trying, I am.